Flying Purple Hippos Wiki
Accident Investigation Board
Совет по расследованию несчастных случаев
Agency overview
Jurisdiction Sarolia, Bezmoora
Employees wildly fluctuating, to John's frustration
Annual budget 13,000+ Sarolian Gold
Ministers responsible Domnhall, Minister of Golden Locks
Olav, Minister of Religious Flocks
Doric, Minister of Rocks and Faux Hawks
Wolfgang, Minister of Irresponsible Acrobatics and Trained Buttocks
Theo, Minister of Black Socks
Deputy Ministers responsible Felix†, rip
Festus†, rip
Ziggy†, rippers
Departments Department of Artistic Anatomy
Department of Figuring Out Time Zones
Department of Rolling One At Worst Of Times
Department of Rules-Lawyering
Department of Sunha Funeral Organisation

The Bezmooran Accident Investigation Board (BAIB) is an agency of the Flying Purple Hippos Clan. It's also the name of the mercenary group these dorks play in Dungeons and Dragons.


Major achievements include:

  • Jumping off a castle to decapitate someone who was being a bitch
  • Shitting off another castle while failing to see anything useful
  • Yeeting some revenants off the first castle
  • Rescuing a hippo
  • Rescuing an archmage
  • Stealing and reading an emo's diary
  • Dispelling eternal mind-bagpipes
  • Reuniting revenant husbands through window cleaning
  • Literally assaulting a windmill
  • Teaching a hag not to curse as much
  • Riding a rowboat down a sea of skeletons
  • Befriending a doll
  • Boning a werewolf-revenant-vampire with a leftover bit of a dead lady
  • Melting a vampire lord
  • Successfully eating and digesting a demon goat
  • Becoming founder and CEO of a Bezmooran microbrewery
  • Yeeting Surtr back to Jotunheim but only for like a minute
  • Slaying a hydra to advertise the Cock's Crown brew

Almost TPKs[]

  • Getting fireballed while running away from a windmill
  • Not realising fast vampires are fast
  • Yoloing into the world's simplest alarm system


Due to Sunha dying all the time there's a lot of employee turnover for a FPH ministry


  • Roll stonecunning for rock trivia
Ministries of FPH Government
Temple Ministry of Hippo Relations
Temple Drive Ministries of the InteriorExteriorMidteriorMisc. TeriorNexterior
TreasuryWorWorld Domination
Temple By-Drive Ministries of Abundant BureaucracyAbundant DemocracyClosed Forum Moderation
Forms Except For Those Regarding Strawberry Regulations
Forms Regarding Strawberry Regulations
Bitching About Raspberry Superiority to Strawberry
Snidely Replying to STTP Inquiries
DMoF Ministries of CookiesDugongsJewsExcessive Luxuries
Road of Broken Mice Ministries of ES GamesES-esque GamesOther GamesProcrastination
Port-aux-Hippeaux Ministries of CanadiansFranceKeeping Batlord Appeased
Penguin RelationsPenguino-Canadian Peace Talks
Avenue of Frustrated Johns Accident Investigation Board • Ministry of Managing Brothel Opening Hours
Bessie's Olde Roade Ministries of HealthHuman Reproductive OrgansLivestockPoultry
Plus One Plaza Ministries of Gruesome Baby DeathsHateHitlerHorrific Threads
Lame Cultural ReferencesNot Being Funny

OTD Forum Administration:
Embassy of the Free State of OTD or Department of OTD Moderation
or Autonomous Community of OTD

Unknown Bureau of Introducing More Bureaucracy While Nobody Is Looking
Ministry of Making Ministry Pages