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Canada

1867–
TERRIFYING HORRIBLE
Flag Coat of arms
Motto
A Mari Usque ad Nightmare
Anthem
O Canada
DREADFUL
Creepy
Capital Ottawa
Language(s) Canadian
Government Federal parliamentary democracy and constitutional monarchy and goat cryptocracy
Queen Elizabeth II
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau
But in reality Arshnu
Legislature Puppet Parliament
 - Upper house Senate
 - Lower house House of Commons
History
 - Established July 1, 1867
 - Last Until:
Currency Canadian dollar

Canada is a country in North America. It's just Canada. Not even Dominion of Canada, just plain Canada. This is creepy as shit.

With a population of about 34 million and an area of also about 34 million, Canada is home to a surprisingly large amount of Templars. Canadian Templars incessantly conspire to kill all other Templars and eat their flesh.

Canada has always been at war with Nile Penguins.

Eh[]

First humans arrived in Canada in like 9000BC, driven by insatiable craving for seal meat. The first European to discover Canada was Leif [sic] Ericson; however, the Norse have soon left the place because it was terrible.

Canada became a part of British Empire at some point for some reason. France factored in, but nobody is sure how. In 1867, the Canadians figured out they need sovereignity over their vast frozen wasteland in order to achieve their strange goals, and so they proclaimed independence or whatever

Canada then spent all of its history perched on top of the US. Watching. Waiting.

Geography[]

Canada is huge beyond all reason. However, only a little bit near the shores and along the southern border is habitable, as the rest is literally frozen all the time.

Vast impenetrable forests which swarm with moose stretch all the way from the south to the very northern islands nobody seems to give a shit about.

Politics and shit[]

Ottawa (pictured) is the capital of Canada

Canada consists of the following territories: Newfoundland and Labrador, Prince Edward Island, Nova Scotia, Neues Braunschweig, Quebec, Ontario, Uhl-bur-tuh, Sasquatch, Neither Britain Nor Columbia, Yucatan, Misc. Northwestern Shit, and Nunawhatever.

There's a parliament that plots to take over the world every night. Elizabeth II technically rules the country, from a safe distance.

War with Nile Penguins is the only doctrine of Canadian foreign relations. Violence is the only language the Canadians understand.

Culture[]

Sports[]

It keeps happening

Hockey is the only sport the Canadians follow. The point of hockey is to beat the shit out of some people with sticks while on ice. Also there's allegedly a puck somewhere. Admittedly, this is still better than American sports.

Canada was in charge of the 2010 Winter Olympics, which were spectacular in many demonic ways.

Canada is impossibly shit at football[1].

Cuisine[]

Canadians eat seal and human flesh and drink maple syrup. Nothing else is known.

Music[]

Canadians are incapable of creating music, what a preposterous idea

Wildlife[]

Meese.jpg

90% of Canadian biomass is meese and beavers. Everything that's neither a moose nor a beaver is probably a caribou.

There used to be seals but they have long been clubbed to death. Steller's Sea Cows used to bump around the seas around Canada, but they've been eaten too.

Armed Forces[]

Canadian Armed Forces consist of mounties and drunk hockey fans and lumberjacks and paper frogs. They ride moose if the moose are drunk too.

The Canadians fight fierce battles with the Nile Penguins whenever an opportunity presents itself; however, they are known to unite against common enemies, such as Teal Hippos or GCHCs. Usually.

Economy[]

Canadian countryside in spring

Canada is a dystopian socialist totalitarian state. Canadian dollar is the currency. It can be traded for actual currency at numismatics stores. Coins depict beavers and stuff

Chief Canadian exports include maples, furs, oil and snow. They trade it for axes and bottled warmth of human body.

Terrifying Network of Arshnu Roommates[]

Every Canadian is either Arshnu's roommate, friends with Arshnu's roommate, or roommate with Arshnu's friends[2][3]. This proves that Arshnu is Canada's true overlord

Canadian FPHers[]

A disturbingly high number of Templars hailed from Canada. They also seem disturbingly centered around the ominous town of Kelowna.

Theias is the only Canadian to have ever been elected a Leader, a fact which almost caused a war with the Nile Penguins. Soggyfrog has briefly assumed leadership without elections in 2012, and there were no conspiracies involved.

Refereces[]

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