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Cronaldo and Chocolate Wars
Part of La Liga and Kinder Chocolate
Chair hostilities.jpg
oh my god
Date 10 March - 1 April 2012
Location The Forums
Result
Disestablisment of the 40,000 Post Reich
Establishment of Transitional Empirette of Flying Purple Huskies
Exile of all awful people
Casus belli Pro-cronaldo comments on the forum;
Anti-white chocolate comments on the forum
Combatants
Shusky
European Union (eastern half)
Presumably Lionel Messi
Lief
Cronaldo
Portugal
Real Madrid
Hitler
Anti-White Chocolate Federation
Local Jews
European Union (western half)
Presumably Lionel Messi also
Commanders
Shusky, Reichs- sturmbahnumholi Lief, Umholi
Cronaldo, terrible person
Darkflame, Reichs- sturmbahnumholi
Mike, Jew und Reichsadmin
FM, Wise Sage
Strength
2 2 4
Casualties
a chair none a chair

The Cronaldo and Chocolate Wars were a March 2012 conflict which threatened to destroy everything we hold dear.

Causes[]

On March 10, 2012, Lief expressed opinions about Cronaldo which are clearly wrong and terrible, and as a consequence got his admin powers stripped.[1] This was a violation of the guidelines of the 40,000 Post Reich.

Escalation of hostilities[]

On March 12, Lief toppled a garden chair[2]. The United Nations are really worried.

Expansion of civil war[]

On March 13, Darkflame expressed his disgust for white chocolate. In response, the anti-cronaldo faction had a bloody falling-out.[3]

Standstill and end of the war[]

By March 20, thousands of independent squabbling factions have firmly entrenched themselves in random parts of the Island, and the war was in a standstill. Eventually, on April 1st, Shusky figured out he was the only non-root admin left with admin powers, and nothing was stopping him from seizing power and ruling with iron fist. Which he did.

International reactions[]

Supranational[]

European Union - The EU initially voiced its disgust of Lief's pro-Cronaldo comments. However, Portugal dissented from this EU decision, as did the city of Manchester. Later, the EU was split over the issue of white chocolate, with the west calling the east "a buunch oof diiiiicks" and the east calling the west "A pletoraszci of cockzcszszczszc."

Governments[]

40,000 Post Reich - The Reich has taken a variety of stances on this issue, notably all of them
{C} Nazi Germany - The other Reich was unsurprisingly heavily supportive of Cronaldo. Later however, it also voiced its support for the pro-white chocolate movement, noting "the superiority of the white chocolate is a racial fact" and "the nation must be cleansed from all non-white chocolates and communists." It is rumoured that Lief received lots of illicit cookie funds from Hitler.
{C} Soviet Russia - Unsurprisingly, the Soviets took the party line and declared their "unrelenting support for cronaldo."
{C} Portugal - Portugal wasn't available for comment, because they cannot afford the internet now that the EU has stopped funding them
Nile Penguins - The Nile Penguins scurried to the Overlord Council, awkwardly noting they are black and white. A peace enforcing invasion was considered but then they decided to just wait it out.
Canada - It was March so Canada was literally frozen and unavaliable.
Free State of OTD - The Free State of OTD spent the war in a state of confusion whether it was seceded or not. Numerous bar fights broke out over the matter.
Mongolia - Mongolia was like "what the fuck are you even talking about".
Vatican - The Pope said you shouldn't be eating chocolate in lent anyway, and that Cronaldo is irrelevant anyway because Bayern are the best team. This briefly united the feuding sides against a common enemy

Ministries[]

Nexterior.png Ministry of the Nexterior - The ministry deferred to other ministries when asked to comment.

Individuals[]

Lionel Messi - Messi would only answer our questions if we ritually sacrificed Maradona and we couldn't carry the fat fuck up the sacrificial pyramids.
Cronaldo - Cronaldo was generously available for comment. However, the he tripped over his own legs and we got sent off of the continent by Howard Webb
Queen Beatrix - Beatrix remarked, "Wee aare veery conceerneed with the reeceent deeeveeeeelooaoeoaeoopmentsschaaf." Then she proposed marrying cronaldo to a gay prostitute and everyone was like "(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ wisdom"

References[]

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