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THIS SUPPOSED TO BE HISTORY OR SOME HORRIBLE MATH SIMULATRON?

Lief Ericson

Europa Universalis III
Obligatory Paradox Game
Eu3-win-cover.jpg
Developer: Paradox Development Studio
Publisher: Paradox Interactive
Release date: January 2007
Platforms: PC
Mac
Genres: Grand Strategy
Modes: Single Player
Multiplayer
X-packs: Napoleon's Ambition
In Nomine
Heir to the Throne
Divine Wind

Europa Universalis III (Europa Universalis 3 or simply EU3) is yet another game by the needlessly prolific developer and publisher Paradox Interactive.

EU3 distinguishes itself from other Paradox games by giving the player control of a single sovereign of their choice and throwing them into a sandbox with game mechanics that reflect society during the given historical conditions—

Wait, stop. That's not it at all. Well, go suck a lemon Total War, at least these game mechanics actually vary from game to game.

EU3 is the most popular game in the FPH Community, probably because it came out at the time that FPHers started paying attention to Paradox Interactive games and because it hasn't yet been replaced by a new iteration. The main appeal of EU3 is that you can form countries ridiculously ahead of when they formed historically and then conquer the world with them.

Gameplay[]

The game begins when you pick a 1 or 2-province sovereign. If you have picked England, France, Austria, or Spain, go fuck yourself with a spoon and never return. Players must then struggle to maintain their treasury while sending merchants to Lübeck and forming diplomatic ties with countries so that they can peacefully annex them in twenty years.

It is important to optimize your assets.

Victory Conditions[]

Paradox Interactive encourages players to set their own goal in the game. This is their own way of saying their engine sucks for campaign modes and they couldn't be arsed to produce objectives with rewards. Player success must therefore be gauged according to the following metrics:

  • Fractal dimension of one's borders.

    Earn enough Winglebucks and you can become the Sole Defender of the Faith.

  • Hilarity index of advisor names.
  • The inverse of the success of the historical great powers.
  • The length of time one's country is able to persist at -3 stability.

Most FPHest countries[]

In order to get the FPHest experience, consider playing the following factions:

  • Gondwana - has an elephant in its flag, you can reunite the megacontinent later.
  • Knights - a tiny island full of templars bent on world domination, you say?!
  • Naxos - it's an awful lot like knights except its religion/technology/relations are fucked up beyond all belief, making it the bestest.

No matter what country you choose, you must make sure to colonize the inhabitable lands near Bouvetoya and get Ture Ture, otherwise it won't count.

External Links[]

The Real EU3 Wiki

Video Games
Age Games Age of Empires (RoR) • Age of Kings (TC) • Age of Mythology (TT) • Age of Empires 3 (TWC, TAD)
Wannabe RTS Age of Empires Online
(Mum)orpergers Guild WarsGuild Wars 2World of Warcraft
Paradox Games Europa Universalis IIEuropa Universalis IIICrusader Kings IIVictoria II
Misc Awesomes PsychonautsCivilization IV
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